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bella-rose29 · 8 months ago

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April Fool's! ~ a DTH special

here's the first of (I'm sure) many Deck the Halls specials! in honour of April Fool's Day I figured it was the perfect occasion to write a lil something about our Schmoopies (who love to prank each other)

I did take a teeny bit of inspiration from @tangledinlove's heart eyes series (which if you haven't read then go now! also I recommend everything on love's master list) and wrote this special through the eyes of Holly, George, and Lucy!

edit: I should add in now that you probably could read this as a standalone? there are some references in there that might be teeny spoilers but tbh DTH is pretty formulaic so you could figure out the plot just from the summary 😂

Warnings: one or two swear words, and I think that's it? maybe a spoiler in the form of Holly being there?

Word count: 1.7k

anthony lockwood master list

enjoy the pictures of lockwood and Cameron being silly boys!

“Where is he?”

Holly looked up from where she sat at the kitchen table writing a shopping list to study the girl who stood in the doorway. Y/n had her hands on her hips and a frown on her face, and Holly felt sorry for whoever she was looking for. No doubt it was Lockwood, having forgotten an important anniversary or something, who was provoking the glare that had settled over Y/n’s features.

“Lockwood?” Holly asked, returning her attention to the shopping list. She tapped the pencil against her temple while trying to think of what she was missing.

“Yep. Have you seen him? I’ve got a bone to pick with him, the little shit.”

Holly snorted, then a thought popped into her head. She wrote down ‘tomatoes’ in neat print with her pen. “What’s he done this time?”

The other girl huffed and moved further into the kitchen, pulling open cupboards with a little too much force. “He’s pranked me! Hid all the toothbrushes in the house and now I can’t brush my teeth!”

“I- he did what?” That was such a random thing to do, and yet it was very perfectly Lockwood. “Why would he prank you?” Holly’s colleague stopped in her tracks, arms spread open with the cupboard handles in each hand, and slowly turned around. Instead of the initial frustration that had been on her face there was now confusion.

“You… you do know what day it is… right?” Holly shook her head, brows creasing. “It’s April Fool’s Day? First of the month?” Realisation dawned, and she rushed to stifle her laugh when Y/n started glaring again. “Why is that funny? Lockwood hid all the toothbrushes, Holly! How do I brush my teeth now?! I had Weetabix this morning and my mouth feels all gross,” she complained.

“I think he went out for a walk or something,” Holly answered, finishing up her list. “That was a while ago, though, so he should be back in a minute.” No sooner than she’d stopped talking the sound of the front door opening made both girls look in the direction of the hall. Shuffling noises followed while the person moved around, then footsteps grew louder and the kitchen door was pushed open to reveal the head of the company.

Anthony Lockwood was many things: a great boss, slightly suicidal at times (although the number of occasions that he threw himself directly into danger had decreased significantly after the Christmas holidays), an excellent swordsman, and a loving boyfriend to Y/n.

But as Holly watched Y/n she knew that he was also in a lot of danger.

“Ah. Hello, Darling. Holly.” He was wary, gaze flicking between the two girls as he stayed holding on to the door handle. Y/n’s eyes narrowed, and Lockwood’s attention was suddenly solely on his girlfriend. His smile faltered slightly, and there was a split second where both he and Y/n sort of… hovered, the tension in the room palpable.

Then the chaos started.

Lockwood turned and fled the room, footsteps heavy on the stairs, and Y/n was hot on his heels, yelling as she thundered after him. Holly could hear their laughter echoing through the house, and she let out a chuckle of her own as she stood up and folded the shopping list, putting it in her pocket.

Her boss was going to suffer dearly for the rest of the morning for withholding the toothbrushes, but he wouldn’t be physically harmed.

A thump sounded on one of the upper floors, something that sounded worryingly like a body hitting the ground, and pleads of mercy followed immediately while mixed in with laughter.

She was tickling him, then. Going for the feet if she wanted maximum effect or sitting on him and going for his sides if she was smart and didn’t want him wriggling away.

Holly picked up a bag and her keys in the hallway, and made for Arif’s. Hopefully Lockwood would no longer be a hostage by the time she got back.

~~~

George Karim was normally quite forgiving when it came to Y/n, but printing out tens of pictures of Penelope Fittes was a step too far for him.

“Why do you even want to do this anyway? I thought after the whole… ‘fake-dating-turned-real-dating’ thing over Christmas you weren’t fighting anymore.” He was spread in front of the printer in his room, blocking his friend from accessing it. Since getting back from her family’s house in the middle of nowhere a few months ago, after snowstorms stretched out their Christmas, Lockwood and Y/n had been annoyingly cute and coupley.

“He hid all the toothbrushes, George. He’s having a nap right now because I tickled him into exhaustion, so I’ve not got much time before-” she broke off when George tackled her to prevent her from using the printer.

“Okay… well why does that mean you’re printing loads of pictures of Penelope Fittes? The head of the company we hate?”

“… Because I’m going to cut them out and replace all the photos in the house with them.” The pair of them stopped squirming and George pushed his glasses back up his nose to stare in shock and confusion at her.

“You… what?”

“It’s April Fool’s. I’ve got like… two hours left before midday. Please, Georgie. I have to get revenge.” He sighed, then released his grip on her.

“Fine. But when he gets annoyed, you are not linking this to me. I’m not getting dragged into all of this.”

The two of them spent the next fifteen minutes printing photos and cutting them out, and when it sounded like Lockwood was stirring, Y/n sent George to keep him distracted. He penned his boss in the library where he’d fallen asleep earlier, spewing facts about the next case they were going to go on to keep Lockwood there while Y/n snuck around the house. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been waffling on about murder victims and Type 2s, but when Lockwood’s girlfriend tentatively peeked around the door he had to stop himself from visibly sighing in relief.

“You alright, Schmoopie?” Where the nickname had come from, George had no idea, but Y/n was the only one who used it and specifically only when she wanted to piss off Lockwood. Lockwood himself knew this too, and George could immediately see the suspicion creep in.

“… yeah. Are you?”

“Hm? Oh, yep!” Her grin was wide, and looked rather like a shark, and George wondered why Lockwood was staring all heart-eyed at her despite being suspicious. “Just been… finding toothbrushes.” It was Lockwood’s turn to smile now, boyish delight making him perk up.

“Get any?”

“Eventually. Took me a bloody long time though,” she mumbled the last part, but the boys still heard. George snickered. Lockwood’s smile grew. “Anyway… tea?”

“Alright then,” Lockwood replied, stretching out a hand and moving over to the doorway. Y/n took it, planting a kiss on her boyfriend’s cheek before pulling him out the room.

She sent a wink over her shoulder at George as they turned the corner and disappeared.

~~~

So far, the pranks were one each.

Lucy had noticed Y/n putting photos of Penelope Fittes in all the picture frames around 35 Portland Row, and when her friend had explained why, she had gladly joined in. Any opportunity to mess with Lockwood was an opportunity that Lucy took.

Around half an hour after Lockwood had reappeared from the library, he still hadn’t noticed that all of the photos had been replaced. He’d spotted one or two maybe, but that was it. Some were more sneaky than others, and Lucy knew that Lockwood would be finding Penelope Fittes photos for weeks after today.

Now she was sat in the living room with George, Holly, and Y/n, sketching in her pad. There was near silence in the room, the clock ticking and what sounded like suppressed snorts of laughter outside the door the only noises. Lucy frowned, glancing at the door every few seconds. After another minute or so of stifled laughter Lockwood appeared, mouth pinched to hide the smile on his face as he walked in and sat on the arm of his normal armchair where Y/n was sat.

“…Lockwood?” Lucy asked. “Why are you wearing a hat? You’re… indoors?”

“Oh! Just felt like it! Thought it would be nice to wear something a little more fun. For morale, you know?”

Y/n looked up then, and gaped at the top hat perched on her boyfriend’s head. “You’re ridiculous, Anthony.”

“Yep. We’ve had this conversation before, Darling.” All talk died down after that, Lockwood occasionally murmuring a word or two to help Y/n with her crossword, and the members of the agency were at peace. At some point Lockwood excused himself to the toilet, and when he came back around five minutes later (they’d all heard the toilet flush) there was something slightly off about him. He still had the top hat on, but something was bugging Lucy.

The same process repeated, Lucy looking up at him every now and then to try and figure out what was different and Y/n doing the same (the two girls had shared multiple confused looks), and then Lockwood excused himself to get a plate of biscuits. When he came back, Lucy once again felt something was off. The biscuits were passed around, crossword helped, top hat still in place, then Lockwood came up with another reason to leave the room.

It was the fourth time he returned that Y/n appeared to realise what was happening. “Ohh, I see what you’re doing, Anthony Lockwood.”

“Do you?” he asked, innocent as a child. “I’ve noticed the photographs - don’t think I haven’t.”

“Oh, have fun finding them all. Why do you have multiple sizes of the same top hat?”

Lockwood shrugged. “Disguises. Why did you have so many photos of the head of the Fittes company?”

“Does it matter? You’ll be finding them for weeks.”

They finished their friendly bickering in hushed tones, Y/n standing up to let Lockwood sit down and balance her on his lap, and Lucy smiled softly at them.

After wrangling the whole story of what had happened over the Christmas holidays out of the two of them, Lucy had spent roughly the last two and a half months teasing the living daylights out of the couple for their antics, but she couldn’t deny how cute they were together.

She just hoped that the current poking in the sides they were doing didn’t turn into decking each other instead.

Cut scene (alternative prank):

Now she was sat in her room in the attic, one leg hanging off the edge with the other folded underneath while she drew in her sketchbook. The creaking of the steps up to her floor alerted her to someone’s presence, and after a few seconds Lockwood’s head appeared, followed by his body. “Ah, Luce, thought I’d find you here.” He had something in his hand, shiny in a crinkly plastic bag. “I need your help to-” he broke off, mid-movement while he peered at one of the pictures on Lucy’s bedside table. It was of the five of them, Lockwood, George, Holly, Y/n, and herself, except in the place of Skull sat on the sideboard was Penelope Fittes’ face. “Oh for fuck’s sake. Did she put some of these up here, too?” Lucy struggled not to smile.

“Must have done it when I was in the kitchen earlier.” That was a lie, Lucy had done it herself. “What did you need me for?”

“Ah!” He lifted the plastic bag and grinned. “Doubloons. Not real ones, obviously, I bought them from a cheap party shop down the road. I’m going to hide them around the house.”

Tag list:

@strawberryloveyyy, @chameleon021, @genderfluid-anime-goth, @cottagecore-babe, @anthonylockwoodandco111, @a-taken-url, @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @anthgoldenhrry, @augustisintheair, @aysha4life, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @imaginebeingmentallystable, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @lady-ashfade, @light-23, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @magicandrosewaters, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @reggiepeterss, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whistle1whistle, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife, @y0urm0m12, @zoom1374, @asyouwish-fromcabin3, @rhysand-devorak, @a-candle-maker, @h0lyheck, @apple-bottom-jeans6, @icantwaittoliveandlearn

@neewtmas, @bobbys-not-that-small, @avdiobliss, @demigoddess-of-ghosts, @maraschinomerry, @lewkwoodnco, @uku-lelevillain, @oblivious-idiot

as always, if there is anybody who wants to be added to my lockwood tag list, then please go here!

#deck the halls (and not your partner)#deck the halls specials #lockwood and co #lockwood & co #anthony lockwood #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood x you

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lulublack90 · 8 months ago

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Prompt 1 - Spring

@jegulus-microfic April 1, Word count 542

The first of April was the Marauder’s favourite day of the year. They spent weeks coming up with pranks for April Fool’s Day. They not only pranked their fellow students, but they pranked each other.

James had placed a sticking charm on a little toy rat that he’d stolen from Lily’s cat to follow Peter wherever he went.

All the mirrors that Sirius looked into burped rudely at him, and he’d transfigured all of Remus’s books into copies of Cassandra Vablatsky’s Unfogging the Future. James knew better than to mess with Moony’s chocolate supply, which meant his books were the next option on the list.

So far, though, the only one not to be pranked was James. Lunch passed, and nothing, not even a nose-biting teacup. He was feeling more and more on edge. He kept flinching whenever one of the others came near him. Sirius took great joy in this and found a multitude of reasons to lean over or brush past him.

They were walking out of potions together at the end of the day when he was suddenly yanked backwards into an empty classroom.

“Hey, what the hell?” James yelled before he realised it was his friends. “Oh, what the hell?!” He knew this was it. Instead of them all pranking him separately, they were working together.

“Petrificus Totalus” Sirius flicked his wand, James’s legs snapped together, and his arms stuck to his sides. He was completely frozen in place.

Peter transfigured James’s robes into a clown costume.

Sirius performed a much tricker spell. Using the effects of the petrifying jinx, he transformed James’s legs into a giant spring. He and Peter had to grab ahold of him to stop him from falling on his face.

Remus finished the prank off by sinking what would have been his feet into the stone floor. Sirius unfroze James, and they watched as James wobbled forwards and backwards like a jack in a box without the box.

The rest of the Marauders left him there, yelling after them as they went to dinner, raucous laughter bouncing off the close corridor walls as they went.

He yelled himself hoarse, trying to get someone’s attention. He called out again, and the heavy wooden door creaked open, and Regulus’s head popped around it into the room.

“I thought I could hear your voice.” He said, his brow screwed up in concern. “Are you alright?”

He came further into the room and caught sight of James’s predicament. The usually stoic boy snorted with laughter and ended up on his hands and knees, gasping for air he laughed so hard.

Eventually, he composed himself enough to wipe the tears away and stood before his slightly bouncing boyfriend. “Did my brother do this to you?” He asked, stroking James’s cheek.

“And Remus and Peter.” James pouted. “Can you help me?” Regulus took a step backwards, biting his bottom lip.

“I can, but I’m not going to.” A wicked glint flashed in his eyes as he raised his wand. James’s face was covered in gaudy clown makeup before he could utter a word.

Regulus pecked a kiss on James’s lips before he left him again. “Happy April Fool’s Day, love.” He cackled as he shut the door behind him.

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cocoa-rococo · 6 months ago

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Koopaling Headcanons: Iggy

The wild child, the mad lad, the resident scientist himself! I think about him a regular amount.

Left-handed.

His powers are more plant-based, and he's very good at controlling them, but inventing is a big hobby of his that plays into how he attacks. To put it in other terms, he's got Artificer software running on Druid hardware.

His eye color is a rare mutation of his draconic koopa biology, though it does give him some issues with his vision, hence the glasses.

He's definitely wacky, but he's not actually ‘demented’ or ‘insane’ like most think he is. That being said, he likes to play up the whole ‘mad scientist' act around other people because he enjoys their reactions. Maybe a little too much…

April Fool's is a banned celebration in the castle because of him. Not that it stops him from pulling pranks on any other day of the year.

His favorite fruits are more tropical things; kiwis, pineapples, and starfruit.

Prefers Chain Chomps and other animals to people, as he's not great with conversation nor predicting people. Rumor has it that he can actually speak with them, but whether it's true remains to be seen.

He occasionally gets nonverbal when an experiment goes awry, or when he’s so upset he can’t find the words for it. His siblings check in on him every once in a while, and he does end up speaking again after a few hours / a day.

His hair naturally falls into a mohawk like in his earlier depictions; he just likes styling it back to differentiate himself from Lemmy.

Doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, but he's a big fan of savory things. That said, he does have a fondness for carrot cake.

He actually made his glasses when he realized his eyes didn’t see well with traditional lenses… and because he needed something that was fireproof, blast-proof, and freeze-proof, just to name a few. When he realized he could market it on a professional basis, Iggy’s Glass was created.

He's a big fan of his veggies! He's not a strict vegetarian, nor is he opposed to meat whatsoever, he just likes his greens more. Like I said, Druid hardware.

Speaking of food, if he's craving something, he often decides what to have not by flavor, but by texture. He looooves crunchy stuff or things he can rip into, like sandwiches with hard bread or jerky sticks.

He helps Wendy with her baking hobby! Baking is just another form of chemistry, after all, and he likes having something to do with his hands. He doesn't like cooking much, though. Too much guesswork.

He makes so many things for his siblings for holidays and birthdays, and is always touchingly surprised if they get him something personal or practical (not that he shows it).

He got Morton a camera for his tenth birthday to support his scrapbooking hobby, and is secretly very pleased that Morton takes such good care of it. He also denies crying when Morton showed him the page he made of the two of them with the photos he took.

His handwriting is the worst out of the seven. Given how fast he needs to write to keep up with his experiments, and his habit of using short phrases that only he understands, it's really legible to just him.

He genuinely is pretty funny. His humor is skewed towards shitposter memes thanks to Roy and Larry, but his sense of comedic timing to drop a bomb or punchline is perfect.

Will respond to highly cursed memes and images along the lines of "Oh, that's AWFUL. I LOVE IT."

His currency is amusement. You wanna get on his good side or impress him, making him laugh. This is harder then it sounds; if he can tell you’re trying too hard, he’ll just blast you with sarcasm.

Ludwig is teaching him how to play the accordion. It’s just as chaotic as it sounds.

He's a big fan of bad B-movie horrors, making fun of them while also unironically enjoying how terrible they are. He's got a few posters of them in his room.

He was the dog version of a warrior cats kid. I'm sorry, but it's true.

He likes to collect bugs! It's not a very big collection, seeing as the Darklands is uninhabitable by a majority of insects, but he likes learning and talking about them to anyone interested.

One of the most terrifying generals out of the Koopalings to the troops; not because he’s especially mean or strict or anything, but because you’ll have no idea how he’ll react to something. He is, however, perhaps also one of the the least military-inclined out of his siblings, much preferring his lab to a war room.

Will wear the UGLIEST shirts with zero concerns. Will also wear socks and sandals. Wendy loathes him.

Doesn't like coffee; the taste makes him nauseous. He's more of a soda guy, anyway.

He and Larry are huge sci-fi nerds, and enjoy bonding over comics and mecha anime and going to cons together. Also a big fan of horror; the more gore, the better.

Cannot draw people for shit. Animals and plants he can do okay at, but more in an anatomical kind of way then any artistic sort of style. Blueprints, however, are a different story.

Genuinely likes pistachio ice cream. None of his siblings know why, nor do they want to know.

Like Lemmy, he's very much a fan of pulling a prank and doing the "ohhhh I'm just a little guy, and it's my birthday, I'm a lil birthday boooy" routine. Unlike Lemmy, this rarely works for him.

His lab is his safe haven; it may be a mess in some places, but it's his mess. If you touch something you shouldn't, be prepared to get whacked.

Can and will pick up bugs and eat them. Bonus if they’re dipped in chocolate.

He doesn’t have any particular favorite flowers, but he's got a side hobby of cross-breeding and mutating plants for both science and in the sense of, in his own terms, “fucking around and finding out.”

#smb #super mario bros #super mario #koopalings #iggy koopa #iggy #gif #headcanons #cocoaposts #IT'S HERE #got distracted by trying to size the gifs right which became. a thing. anyways #i have. SO MANY THOUGHTS about this lil genius #he's got very saturday-morning-villain energy to me and that's why i love him

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makethatelevenrings · 8 months ago

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Angel by the Wing - Thirty-One

A/N: no this isn't an April Fool's prank lol. I take the LSAT in 10 days and I want to throw up!!! :)))))

Series Masterlist (Mobile Masterlist)

Chapter Warnings: emotional abuse (we find out why Angel is Like That)

“It’s not great,” Penny admitted.

“But it’s not horrible either,” you pointed out. The two of you sat at one of the rustic wooden picnic tables outside the bar. A plate of fries sat untouched between you as you looked over the quarterly profit margin. Everything was down and your sales were drastically decreasing from last year.

“Even if you and I took on more shifts, we’d be screwing over the others by cutting their hours. It’s a no-win situation,” she sighed. The bar was losing money and you could see it was starting to take a toll on her. This was supposed to be one of the busier seasons thanks to the warm weather and the proximity to the beach, but aside from a random tourist here and there, you rarely saw anyone other than military personnel come by and it was hurting your profits.

“We could raise the price of food? Or decrease the menu,” you mused. “Less options means less cost for products.”

“Just keep appetizers and stuff. Maybe let go of one of the cooks.” You could tell she didn’t want to relieve anyone, but you were going to have to if the numbers kept getting smaller. Penny stared at the pages spread out between you two in hopes that they would magically change. She looked out onto the ocean and pursed her lips in contemplation.

“This place is one of the longest standing Navy bars in the whole city,” she said quietly. “And everyone is going to know me as the woman who couldn’t keep it open.”

“Hey, no.” You covered her hand with your own. “First of all, you are not the one to blame when people aren’t coming. We’ll figure out why traffic is falling. Second of all, you are not going to sit here and shit on yourself. That is not the Penny Benjamin I know. We will figure this out, Pen. I promise.”

Her lips quirked up into a small smile and she squeezed your hand. “I knew I hired you for a reason.”

“My amazing personality and brilliant mind?”

“Actually it was the fact that you told Hangman to fuck off instead of sleeping with him.”

“But I did sleep with him.”

“After you told him to fuck off, though.”

You opened your mouth to retort but your phone, seated on the table in front of you, began to sound. Noticing who it was, you ignored it without a second thought. You let the phone ring until it went to voicemail, ignoring Penny’s pointed look. A two-word text flashed across your screen and you read it with a creeping sense of dread filling your gut.

“Who was that?” Penny asked.

“Hmm? Oh, just a spam call, I think.”

She shot you a warning glare but you didn’t have it in you to fight today. You also didn’t want to burden her with more of your problems.

“I have to go pick up Amelia from school but hey, we weren’t going to figure this out in one day.”

“And we will figure it out, Pen. I promise.”

The older woman flashed you a sad smile and sighed. “I hope so, kid. Have a good night off.” The two of you gathered up all the papers and Penny stuffed them back into the binder she had brought with her.

You waited until her car pulled out of the lot before you picked your phone up again and studied the text. Might as well get it over with now.

She picked up on the third ring and you braced yourself. “Hi mom.”

“Janie Sue from church was in San Diego visiting her nephew and guess what she saw?” Her tone was bored, but you sensed the anger underlying her words.

“The USS Midway museum?” you offered up.

“She saw you bartending at some rundown Navy bar and said you were hanging all over two men the whole night.”

“And no one is questioning why Janie Sue was at a bar with her underage nephew and her alcoholic husband?”

Your full name met your ears with a blistering crack and heat spread across your cheeks as the brunt of her anger flooded through the phone. “I figured your little voicemail was your idea of a prank, but now I know for a fact that you have wasted every opportunity your father and I gave you to end up as a whore.”

“Mom, it’s not like tha-”

“It is exactly like that! You are brilliant. You had so much going for you. And now you’re knocked up like some two-bit prostitute who spread her legs for any sailor who tipped you well.”

Shame and rage pooled in your chest and pressure built in your eyes. You bowed your head and shielded your face in case anyone who would recognize you walked by.

“Mom, I’m happy,” you interjected with a shaky voice.

“You don’t sound very happy! You could have been anything you ever wanted to be and this is what you chose? If they’re so willing to share you, do you really think those two boys give a shit about you? How many girls are they sleeping with when you’re not around?”

“Mom, they’re not like that! Seriously, they are good men.”

“Oh, that’s what they all say. He’s different, he’s special,” she mocked. “Do you hear yourself right now? It’s pathetic. Honey, your father and I can come and get you. You can move back in with us and we’ll support you and the baby until you can get back on your feet.”

“No, I don’t need you to come get me. San Diego is my home. I have a life here. I have my life here. I’m not leaving.”

Your mother let out a deep, heavy sigh laced with frustration. “If you keep going down this path of wrong choices, one of these days you’ll learn to regret it. We’ll be here when you realize how much of your life you’ve wasted trying to prove a point to me.”

“Why didn’t you call when I first told you?” You finally spit out the question that had been eating at you since you saw her initial call. “Why now? Is it because others know and are talking about it? You just can’t be anything but the way you want people to view you, can you?”

Tears were dripping down your cheeks and mingling with the disgusting, snotty sob that rose in your chest. Your mother let out a bitter laugh.

“And this is always how it goes. Now you’re going to be mean to me in some attempt to make yourself feel superior. You don’t know everything so stop acting like you do. Now, I’m going to hang up before you start yelling at me. Stop being so dramatic, honey. You chose this life.”

The line went dead and you had the urge to launch your phone into the ocean. Fuck. Fucking fuck. Double triple flying fuck.

You swiped at the tears that dripped down your cheeks with the back of your hand and clambored off of the bench before anyone saw you. Jake was visiting his mom and Bradley had flown back to Virginia two days ago and was currently on a road trip back to San Diego. He kept sending selfies to the group chat the three of you shared. You were saving all of them.

Good. That would give you privacy to sob all the bullshit out without anyone worrying.

You knew she wasn’t right. You knew this. But at the same time, years of her words crowded your mind and consumed your body. Was she right? There was nothing special about you. Were the boys staying simply because you were knocked up? Your body went cold at the thought of that and you wrapped your arms around your stomach, guarding it from the world.

Fuck it. Fuck it all. If that was true, then you would figure it out all by yourself, just like you had your entire life.

You approached your clunky old car and fumbled for the key, your hands trembling as you tried to unlock it. Just as you slipped the key into the lock, a soft sound caught your attention. You paused and waited, but didn’t hear anything else. Opening the door, you prepared to slide in when there was that damn sound again.

You kneeled down and came face to face with the sad, pitiful eyes of a cat that had clearly seen better days. It let out another weak cry and you felt tears well up in your eyes again.

“Oh my god,” you whispered aloud at the pervasive nature of your hormones. The cat blinked up at you and slowly slunk forward. It investigated your outstretched hand and then gently twisted its head to rest in your palm, begging for any kind of attention.

There was no fucking way you were leaving this little baby all alone in the parking lot.

That’s how you ended up stumbling into the townhome with sticky tear tracks on your cheeks and a scruffy, malnourished cat curled up in your arms. You had sent a text to Sofia when you were at a red light because you knew she grew up with all sorts of animals and the Trace household had three cats. She would know what to do.

“Baby?” Jake called when you tumbled through the front door. You froze, not expecting him to be home. He was supposed to be at his mom’s.

As if summoned, Jennifer and Jake appeared around the doorway to the kitchen and found you looking like an absolute mess. Your clothes were rumpled, your makeup was destroyed, and a clearly malnourished and homeless cat meowed pathetically from your arms.

“I didn’t…” you stammered out. “I couldn’t just leave him there. A car could have hit him or a dog could have attacked him o-or…” Tears welled up in your eyes again and you hugged the cat a little closer to your chest.

“I’m sorry,” you said in a quiet voice that was so unlike yourself. “But I couldn’t just leave him.”

Jake moved past his mother and approached you. He wiped some of the tears off of your cheeks and then studied the cat in your arms. “We can’t keep him, baby.”

“I know,” you hiccupped out a little whimper. “Sofia gave me the info for her vet and I set up an appointment for tomorrow morning. Can he please just stay the night?”

Jennifer watched her son with a close eye. Jake was a dog person through and through. She remembered how he would beg her for a dog every Christmas and every birthday, but she could never deliver. He always said cats were too aloof, too mean, not cuddly enough, and more. He was a clean person who loved order in his home.

But one look at the tears in your eyes had Jake Seresin caving.

“He can stay the night,” Jake conceded.

A brilliant smile lit up your face and you hugged the poor cat even tighter, but the feline didn’t argue. Instead, it tucked its little head under your jaw and started to purr.

“Thank you, Jake. Is now a good time to tell you that Nat and Sofia are already bringing over some stuff for him?”

He rolled his eyes but kissed you on the top of the head. Jake even kept the comments to a minimum when the couple showed up armed with a litter box, fresh litter, food, and a few toys. You cordoned off the laundry room for the cat and started to set up his space when Jake casually moved you out of the room.

“You can’t change litter,” he warned. “Nat just told me.”

“Yeah, I can’t change the litter that he’s used, Einstein,” you retorted but he leveled you with a stern glare and pointed away from the laundry room.

“Out. I’ll call you back when it’s ready.”

You sighed but kissed his cheek in thanks and made your way outside where Sofia and Nat were, luckily not making out, but chatting next to their car. Sofia grinned at the sight of her friend and slung her arm over your shoulders.

“Hangman won’t admit it, but that cat’s staying forever,” Nat said. “Have you texted Bradley yet?”

“Nah, I’m gonna surprise him with Skipper when he comes home.”

“Skipper?” Sofia chuckled. “Oh yeah, he’s definitely staying.”

Jake poked his head out from the front door and Nat pushed away from the car to go chat with him about something. You took that as your chance and burrowed in closer to your best friend’s side.

“What’s up?” Sofia had an incredibly discerning eye and always seemed to know what you were feeling before you did.

“‘S nothing. I, uh, I got the paternity results back.” Sofia was the only one who knew you even got the test done. As a medical receptionist on base, she was the one who helped coordinate your test thanks to the potential fathers being naval officers.

“Hey, whoever it is, the three of you are locked together,” Sofia assured you. You nodded, but your mother’s words ran through your mind over and over again.

Tag List:

@mizzzpink@xoxabs88xox@dreaminglandsworld@khaylin27@loveforaugust@atarmychick007@itsmytimetoodream@krismdavis@emma8895eb@startrekfangirl@hangmandruigandmav@lunamoonbby@sihtricswife@jstarr86@drakelover78@abaker74@emma8895eb@hardballoonlove@nerdgirljen

#jake seresin x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader x jake seresin #abtw #hangman x reader #hangman imagine #rooster x reader

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mobileleprechaun · 1 year ago

Text

On Home, Wally, and their dynamic

Warning: Big Long Post! Rambly. Speculative!

In the early days of the Welcome Home fandom, it was often speculated that Home's role in the narrative was antagonistic, one defined by coercive control and abuse of Wally. This idea of a sinister, manipulative Home has inspired many AUs, pieces of fanart and has overall made a big impression on the fandom's perspective of Home as a character.

While this still remains very possible as an outcome, especially given that the series is still in its prologue, a lot of what I've observed in the latest update has painted a very different picture in my mind.

Below are some miscellaneous observations, both from the update and from information we had prior to the update.

Wally is excited about Eddie potentially being able to lift Home in the storybook recording, as he would like Home to be able to get a hot dog from Howdy's bodega like he and Barnaby always do.

Wally speaks often of his love for Home in the guestbook, and even writes Home's signature for it at the bottom of the page.

Home is shown, in a famous piece of art on Clown's Tumblr, to be the "plus-one" Wally would invite to a wedding, and he's shown smiling fondly at it through the window of the chapel while it peers in from outside.

This piece of promotional art, as well as this crayon drawing from the April Fool's Day prank where Wally briefly took over Clown's Twitter to post his drawings, show a big Wally cradling a small Home in his arms. This is an inversion of their actual relationship, as Wally is just a little guy and Home is a great big house. In the latter drawing, Wally has obsessively written Home's name over and over again.

In the bug vignette featuring Barnaby and Home on the page with the script, Barnaby understands Home perfectly when it speaks and has a fluent back and forth with it. Its responses to him seem amused and sarcastic, and it generally looks to be having fun bantering with him and sassing him. When Barnaby becomes concerned for Wally at the end, Home's noises sound concerned and urgent, like worried questions. It's concerned for Wally's change in behavior too.

Conversely, Wally is shown in his audio excerpts from the show to be socially-awkward and unable to comprehend things like sarcasm and turns of phrase. At his best, he sounds like he's saying things he's rehearsed before. At his worst, especially in the audio messages he leaves, he struggles even to speak, as though he cannot find the right word or that speech itself is hard on him. He begins to hyperventilate and lose his grasp on proper intonation in the latter recordings, likely out of distress or frustration.

In the Morse code message on the So Below page, most people interpret what Home is saying as either "help" or "hello". The former indicates distress on its part, while the latter indicates it trying to go along with Wally, as he introduced it in the previous audio message and explained (while struggling not to hyperventilate) that it makes noises.

In the picture of Wally and Home in "So Below", Home's eye is shuddering in seeming distress while Wally is knelt at its window. Although this is commonly interpreted as an act of worship, Home does not look particularly happy or powerful here. Wally's outstretched hand may be caressing it, or otherwise trying to pat or soothe it. Wally's eyes shudder in a similar manner in the "Stay Quiet" page.

The dark substance beneath Home has begun leaking to the point that it is now visible on the desktop version of the Neighborhood page. This is very likely the same substance mentioned on the secret, staff-only page, which apparently causes "nausea, dizziness and fatigue" upon physical contact.

The impression that I've gotten from this is that Home and Wally are more akin to intimate peers – siblings, very close friends, possibly even romantic partners* – than they are to an abusive guardian and their child. Much of what I'm about to say is speculative, and may not hold up after further updates, but it's nonetheless the vibe I'm getting.

Wally and Home have a deep understanding of one another, deeper even than Wally's friendship with Barnaby. They are bound so tightly that one can scarcely exist without the other. Home shelters Wally within itself, granting him the sanctuary of its own body. Wally, in turn, grants Home a purpose as its inhabitant and tends to its needs, always making sure to help it feel included in neighborhood activities. Both are seen doting on one another with the sort of fondness only years of intimate familiarity can bring. Each is attuned to (and interested in) the other's needs.

Neither Home nor Wally are doing well at this point in the narrative. Wally is audibly deteriorating when he addresses us (or the Question-Answerer) in the audio snippets. He's barely able to keep it together, and some sort of horrific distortion is slipping into his voice. Home, meanwhile, has only seen its sludge problem get worse, and does not seem able to do much at all besides the occasional response in Morse code. These utterances are few and far between, especially compared to how chatty and lively it seemed in the Barnaby vignette. It seems withdrawn, perhaps even exhausted. It is very likely sick.

Home has, up until this point, been "the strong one" in the relationship, as a house must be. In addition to bearing up its body as shelter for Wally, it may have carried the little fellow's social burdens, as it seems to hold its own very well in conversation. But now it's fallen ill. Gravely ill. It's unable to go and look for help, being a house, and is put in a precarious situation due to its immobility. None of the other neighbors are around to help it.

Wally cares for his Home deeply. He is grateful for its shelter and its friendship. He's the only one who can help it now – it's finally his turn to be strong. He wants desperately to protect it, to find help for it, and this is what drives him to reach out. But he doesn't know how one asks for help, or how even to describe the problem. His tranquil neighborhood never made him confront that reality, and he's now left floundering. Home can only watch helplessly, through a haze of sickness, as he humiliates himself again and again in his pained, futile struggle to be understood.

It's driving him mad. It's forcing him to feel emotions he can barely describe. Every attempt only serves to further terrorize the Question-Answerer and double his own anger and misery.

But he can't stop. He must be strong for Home. He will make his neighbor understand.

So TL;DR, I see it as less "Home has Wally trapped!" or "Wally is doing something bad to Home!" and more this heartbreaking nugget from Learning With Pibby. If Home is malevolent, I think Wally's going to be right there at its side. And if he manages not to be, I think it will be a tragic effect of the corruption rather than any innate badness Home has in it. I think we are shown how wonderful and precious this Home can be so it will be all the more heart-wrenching when that is no longer the case. At any rate, I am enthralled and am so grateful to be able to engage with this wonderful piece.

*I hate that I have to even say this, but – please don't misconstrue that I think siblings and romantic partners are the same thing, or any other implication therein. I'm an eldest sibling myself and find the idea abhorrent. I say this only because relationships in a text can be very ambiguous, and there are many flavors of closeness between people that share similarities.

Anyway, thank you so much if you read this far! Welcome Home has really given me the analysis bug again... heehee, bugs.

#welcome home spoilers #wally darling #home welcome home #welcome home analysis

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aikoiya · 8 months ago

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A DP au idea

A scholar just recently arrived at Amity Park because of a newspaper show 2 ghost that exactly look like the 2 being that is shown through the ancient art and stories that even the most knowledgeable scholar wanting to know about, and that newspaper went to their house in Norfolk and while He could send other to investigate, he felt like investigate it himself as he have some knowledge about the being called ecto ghost from his ex (who got his information from his brother for some reason?)and leave his chapter librarian in charge of the house while the scholar leaves.

After arriving at Amity Park, the scholar looked around the town and, after confusing some locals with his Irish accent, found that the ancient ghosts are called phantom and plasmius(good) and that they are Enemies (weird) and they appear when the ghost first appeared at Amity Park (wait what?)and their defense (aside phantom) is Fenton family and that give the scholar deja vu and before he thinks of this, suddenly ghosts appeared as they causing trouble and a ghost that obsessed with box pressing him and the scholar saw phantom appear and fighting ghost and capturing them into a thermo (for some reason) and before he went after phantom to ask questions, the box ghost distract him and phantom goes away to capture more ghosts, the scholar stand there staring at box ghost and calm down, breath though his nose, and flick his finger through the ghost head using his solar sorcery to give box ghost extreme pain for causing stupidity and walk to the Fenton work to ask questions about ghosts and both phantom and plasmius.

After going to the Fenton work the scholar see a man talking to.... Wait.... No... No no no NO NONO NO NOOOOOOOOOO. Occam stands there, blank eyes ,thinking about his life choices and what goes wrong with it as he got one question for god......

WHY IS BIG-D HERE AND WHY THE MAN HE TALKING TO LOOK LIKE A SANE VERSION OF HIM!?!?!?!?

HAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHHHAHAHHA

HAPPY (early) APRIL FOOL

It's actually the continuing post about DPx HTP about Occam O'Connell (hope you watch episode 4) went to Amity Park to investigate phantom and plasmius, the same time the previous dpxhtp post take place, and saw, his ex, Big-D and (unknown to Occam) his brother Jack Fenton. What do you think about my April FOOL and do you get the hint that the scholar is Occam before the reveal?

Funny you should mention it. I literally just got finished watching it!

It was fun! I enjoyed it! Also, Occam was great. I really enjoyed him, but I'm so sad that Lord Fatique was massacred like that.

Anyway, I actually first thought it was from D's perspective, but as soon as Solar magic was mentioned, I was like, "wait... YES!!"

I just love Occam's character & I love the sort of sorcery he uses!

Also, I think that the prank was actually interesting & it could actually make for a fun feature of your story.

Also, my brother told me that Mages bend reality, but they do it through rituals that requires skill & uses components. The way you described them, it sounded more like they could just think of what they wanted & make it so without any sort of preparation. If that's not the case, then I like them the way he described it!

#danny phantom #dp #wod #world of darkness #hunter the parenting

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f1enthusiastsstuff · 2 years ago

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f1 april fools

(f1 drivers take over each others instagram accounts)

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell and others

maxverstappen1: i am stupid

landonorris: you just got pranked mate

f1enthusiast: OMG MAX

f1leclercfan: april fools?!!

maxverstappen1: have a great day everyone !! 🌶️🌶️

dannyricfan: omg carlos chilli sainz !!

liked by carmenmmundt, williamsracing and others

alex_albon: first Q3 of the year, super excited !!

carmenmmundt: haha congrats alex or should i say george??

f1updates: ATE THAT UP!!!

lilymhe: LFG

racingaus: 🔥🔥

liked by charles_leclerc, mickschumacher and others

christianhorner: pole position for max and an ugly DNQ for checo

scuderiaferrari: umm someone check on christian and see if he’s ok….

f1fanbase: omg not ferrari admin commenting

maxverstappen1: christian are you ok?

christianhorner: i am afraid christian is unavailable right now

f2paddockfan: help?!

author note: it doesn’t rlly make any sense this post but i just though it’d be funny to imagine if other drivers took other drivers accounts and posted their own memes on them (even tho yes those own instagram accounts are probably run by staff or whatever)

#f1 instagram au #george russell #alex albon #charles leclerc instagram au #max verstappen instagram au #toto wolff instagram au

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tavyliasin · 8 months ago

Text

Fooling An Incubus - April Foolishness One Shot! Haarlep x Multiple

Haarlep is bored... They manage to organise another little event, a buffet of desire to feast upon all night as various couples and groups enjoy their aphrodisiac tainted wine and specially prepared rooms. However, the wine was a gift from one Volothamp Geddarm. The wizard seems to have something other than tall tales up his sleeves, as Haarlep finds themselves experiencing pleasure through a different lens. It still feels good, of course, but there's something different to normal...

---

This is the April Fools "write terrible smut" challenge to use as many awful words for genitals and sex as possible. I gave it a paper thin plot as an excuse to throw Haarlep into the ring with a bunch of favourites.

5,157 Words (Split into 5 Chapter headings)

Click Here for AO3 Version And Click Here for the AO3 Collection with everyone's wonderful terrible works for the challenge! Pairing: Haarlep with: Astarion/f!Tav/Halsin, Dammon/Karlach/Wyll, Abdirak/He Who Was, and a passing mention of Volo/Blurg/Omeluum at the end SPICE Rating: 3.5/5 Content Warnings and Tags: Intentionally Bad Smut, Biting, Blood, Vampire Bite, aphrodisiac, Oral Sex, Group Sex, Restraints, Power Play, BDSM, Hand Jobs, Spitroast, Pegging, Sex Toys, magic sex toys, Cockwarming, using tails for sex things, furniture play (mild), Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, pain play, riding crop whipping, Anal Sex, overstimulation

Spoilers Barely a thing besides characters and the House of Hope existing. Canon Compliance HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Other Notes I gave myself psychic damage writing it and now you can join me as you read it.

Song Pairing Ok maybe this time I'm being less interesting, but I tried looking for something with fitting lyrics and came up short. So instead, listen to the elevator music that I put on while writing it, that should fit the mood just fine~

FULL ONE SHOT BELOW THE CUT!

--- ---

Chapter 1 - Boredom and Wine

Haarlep was bored.

A known dangerous state for an incubus to be in, they were not only bored but they were hungry . Few guests had entertained them of late, so their mind turned over their options. No events they were aware of were due in the near future, and after their last little party Raphael had said in no uncertain terms that he would not be entertaining another orgy. They rolled their eyes. Surely there was something…

—

A week later, the rooms in the House of Hope had been prepared and a banquet thrown. A Spring Feast, Haarlep had argued, a way to bring together those who should be reminded of Raphael’s influence and affluence. They even invited Volothamp Geddarm to ensure that the fiend’s grandeur could be properly recorded in his rise to greatness - or that’s what they told him to soothe his ego and push him to allow the event to go ahead.

The incubus stalked the banquet hall, observing with no small amount of pride the couples, throuples, and other groups of guests that were slowly falling to the spiked wine. They sipped from their own glass, allowing themselves a slight smile of satisfaction as Volo himself strolled over.

“Ah, there you are! Are you enjoying the wine? I had it imported over myself, you know, from a very special supplier. I assume you’ve already tainted it? The flavour has a distinct edge of spice that I don’t recall from my last sampling.” The bearded wizard was already talking a mile a minute asking plenty of questions without awaiting a single answer.

“You are already aware, then, of its effects? My usual guests should be retiring shortly~” Haarlep grinned a little wider, glancing down at the strange little man who had far too bright a look in his eye as he took a sip himself.

“That’s exactly what I’m counting on, my friend! A fine experiment, I should say, though it was not entirely of my own devising. You see there is a custom in a far off land for pranks at this time of year - nothing harmful of course, and I wouldn’t dare to interfere with your own particular feedings. I’m actually rather looking forward to a little dalliance with my fellow inquisitive minds.” He waved across the room at a hobgoblin standing next to an illithid, the sight itself making Haarlep relieved that Raphael had chosen to sequester himself away from the festivities for a change to focus on his contracts. “Now, do tell me everything tomorrow, I shall be very interested to hear of your experience.”

Before Haarlep could so much as enquire what in all the hells the odd little man was on about, he was already walking away. With several of the couples already making their way to their rooms, the incubus chose to finish their glass and begin to visit the rooms they had arranged earlier.

---

Chapter 2 - The Pleasures of Elves

The first door opened to a sight that Haarlep drank in like a well aged spirit.

A familiar looking elven rogue was on the bed, her vampire lover on one side and their druid on the other. All three looked as hungry as the incubus felt, licking their lips as they padded softly across the cool floor to the bed where the trio were waiting.

“That didn’t take long, you owe me 5 gold.” Tav smirked, her body an open invitation which had been addressed to everyone in the room, and Haarlep was ready to lick the edge of her envelope to seal the-

They shook their head for a moment. That wasn’t right, was it? They looked back at her, admiring how her heaving bosom danced arousal with every breath.

“Come on, Haarlep, there’s room for everyone.” She beckoned them over, as her lovers began to ply her with kisses.

The incubus blinked away their confusion, savouring the rising lust in the room. Halsin was already guiding her hand towards his growing meatstick, while Astarion favoured pressing his mouth-hole against Tav’s neck, sharp points chomping down into her soft flesh. Tav moaned as his fangs penetrated her pale skin, legs spreading to reveal her moist garden of delight.

They felt their own ridged phallus beginning to try the strength of the leather harness that held them in place, though they were not concerned about seeking their own pleasure yet. They climbed onto the end of the bed, lifting her legs over their shoulders, savouring the little gasp as their spiked clothing pricked the underside of her thighs. Haarlep coiled their arms around her hips, fingers reaching around to dip into the well of her desire before using the ample lubrication to circle her hardened nubbin of pleasure.

Tav’s sounds grew ever more lewd as Haarlep began to taste the nectar of her private rose, with a tongue that could put a hummingbird to shame. They glanced up, seeing her head thrust back into the pillows, her own dirty pillows quivering with excitement as Astarion’s bite had moved down to her chest. The larger of the two elves was enjoying the ministrations of Tav’s clever fingers dancing waltz along the length of his organ, the chord sounding from his throat still far from its crescendo.

“My heart,” Halsin began to find his voice, “I need…more…”

“My, my, darling, greedy today are we?” The vampire looked up, a thin trickle of body ketchup trickling over his bottom lip making his teasing question outright hypocritical. “Whatever shall we do?”

“Astarion,” Tav moaned, cheeks hot and flush with arousal, “I have an idea…” Haarlep didn’t hear what it was that Tav whispered, but they saw the pale elf’s ears tint red. A moment later, he was kneeling on the pillows, straddling Tav’s head but facing towards where they were still drinking in her sweet love-juice before it could spill down her thighs. They slowed their motions, holding her back from finishing while her lovers rearranged.

They were almost disappointed that Tav’s soft little moans were being muffled by Astarion’s firm peach, her tongue clearly occupied with finding the pip at the centre of his forbidden fruit. Meanwhile, Halsin was eager to follow the vampire’s lead as he guided his lover’s head to devour his pink banana with a ravenous appetite.

Seeing all three giving way to such intense desires only served to whet Haarlep’s own already drenched hunger. They curled their tail around to tease a line up from Halsin’s knee, teasing the soft and tender flesh of his juicy ham hock, feeling a thin trickle of oil slick betraying his readiness for what they were planning.

The incubus was delighted to feel that the huge elf’s nether pit was ready to receive a fiend. They teased at his heated taint for a moment, relishing how he moaned his desperate need around the length of Astarion’s schlong bulging in his throat. The delicious noise only grew louder when they slid their tail several agonisingly slow inches into his tight and welcoming cave… They took a moment to imagine how good it would feel to slide their turgid meat-popsicle deep inside the druid instead, but that would have to wait for another day.

Haarlep refocused their efforts on Tav now, shifting slightly to change how they were teasing her planes of pleasure. Their fingers reached to curl inside her, tongue tracing out limericks on her sensual protuberance, sharp teeth just grazing her skin as she keened a wail deep into Astarion’s pleasure pocket.

She was, of course, the first to break. The incubus was well versed in how to reduce Tav to a quivering mess of flesh, her liquor of desire coating their lips and tongue as they sucked every last moment of her climax into full and shaking overstimulation. Her lovers were not far behind, Astarion spilling his essence into Halsin’s waiting throat, the larger elf happily devouring it all as his own orgasm began. For a moment, Haarlep was concerned their tail might be bruised by the clenching of the druid’s muscular sphincter, a volcano of spicy mayonnaise spurting forth from his thick tally-whacker as Tav continued to pump it in a tight grip. Satisfied that the three would be more than able to continue without them, Haarlep licked the last of Tav’s personal syrup from their fingers. Above them, Astarion was doing the same for Tav’s hand which was dripping with Halsin’s honey-milk. Everyone had eaten well, and their shared pleasure had easily risen the incubus’s greed to sample something from as many rooms as they could before the dawn brought an end to the festivities. Although, as they stepped back out into the hallway, they couldn’t help but wonder what exactly it was that Volo had put into the drinks. Or, perhaps more concerningly, how they were becoming accustomed to the pervasive strange mood permeating their sexual exploits.

---

Chapter 3 - A Tiefling Roasting in Hellfire

The second room was hot. Hotter than usual, which Haarlep soon realised was due to the presence of a certain one-horned Teifling who was eyeing them suspiciously. Wyll’s eyes almost mirrored Karlach’s asymmetrical horns as he leaned back on the chair with his arms folded behind his head, watching as the incubus closed the door.

“You look…comfortable~” Haarlep greeted the pair, before indicating the third in the room with them. “Though he looks distinctly less so.”

They were referring to the other Tiefling, peach hued skin completely devoid of clothing as he was on his hands and knees, blonde strands falling from the messy bun tied high at the back of his head. He didn’t turn to look at the new entry to the room, nor did he make a sound as his head was completely flush with Wyll’s lap. “Not to worry,” Wyll smiled, “Dammon’s fine where he is for now.” The blacksmith’s tail twitched slightly at the mention of his name. “Shh you stay where you are, good boy.” Karlach shifted in her own seat, bringing her legs up to use her lover’s back as a stool as she addressed Haarlep now. “Listen, demon-”

“Incubus.” They corrected her, a little annoyance in their voice only quieted by the wave of arousal that beckoned to them, drawing their eye to the dripping manhood beneath Karlach’s footrest.

“Whatever. I don’t usually associate with your sort, but given we are here on your invitation, and I’m able to breathe pretty freely here, you can stay.” Her brow furrowed, the glow in her chest looking all the more like a flashing warning. “But there are ground rules.”

“And what would those entail?” Haarlep began walking towards the trio, inspecting the slightly trembling limbs of the man on the floor with interest.

“First, no touching me. Look all you like, but I don’t want your hellish rod anywhere near my womanhood, and if even one drop of your infernal splooge gets near my minge I will personally incinerate you.” Her tone left no room for argument, and beside her the warlock was nodding.

“Him you can touch, me perhaps. But it might be best if you sit back and watch.” He paused for a moment in thought. “You don’t need to be a direct participant in fornication to feed from it, right?”

“I do not.” Haarlep nodded. “Although most find it far more enjoyable when I am an active player in our little games~” Wyll idly stroked the his lovers horns, pushing him down a little further onto his semi. “Good boy, a little more tongue now.” A slight mewl sounded from the blacksmith, muffled but carrying the taste of his lust in the noise. Haarlep licked their lips, savouring it. “Be that as it may, we have enough pieces on the board without your assistance, no matter how capable that might be. Do you agree to our terms?”

They took a moment longer, considering the offer, and the other offers that awaited them in the other rooms. “Very well, entertain me.” The incubus pulled up their own chair, choosing a position with the perfect view of the trio.

Karlach removed her feet from the blacksmith’s back and leaned over to lay a sloppy smooch on Wyll’s waiting lips, guiding his fingers to find the pearl of her dripping clam. “I’ve been waiting all day for this, soldier, please -”

He wasted no time in drawing her to breathlessness, the man below still warming his swiftly stiffening pipe and shifting to accommodate the growing swelling in his mouth. Wyll made short work of whipping his lover into a frenzy, expertly twiddling his thumbs around the nether-nipple between her folds. He added to her sensation with his fingers hammering into the meat of her snatch, savouring the howl that fell from her lips as she creamed over his hand. Haarlep licked their lips involuntarily as they watched Wyll devour the splooge from each finger in the manner one might enjoy the last hint of icing from a slice of cake. They continued to watch, enraptured, as the Tiefling woman recovered her senses and began searching through her pack that had been left carelessly on the floor nearby. Their eyes widened as she pulled out several metal dongs, increasing in size until she was finally satisfied with the one she held.

The final one she chose was almost impressively large - even by their own standards. She held it out towards the warlock first as she sat back in her chair, legs spread and feet resting on Dammon’s back again. Her weeping quim was clearly desperate to be filled, and Wyll obliged by casting mage hand to grip and manipulate the huge steel tickle-stick. “Gods, more!” She cried, gripping at her own heaving bosom as the mage hand increased its thrusting with a motion from Wyll’s hand. “We have to get it…good…good and warm…for him…” She panted heavily like a dog with its head sticking out of the window of a fast moving carriage, her hips bumping around like the carriage was going down 3 flights of stairs with the thrusting of the toy.

The tiefling on the floor remained as still as he could, his tail betraying his excitement as it quivered behind him. Karlach managed just enough presence of mind to coil her own tail beneath him, taking a grip of his turgid knob to give it a good yanking.

She jizzed with the force of a typhoon, barely releasing the blacksmith’s favourite hammer in time before she risked ripping it clean off his body with the force of her explosion. Her breasts danced erotically, nipples spinning with delight in the waves of pure bliss that took over her mind and body.

Haarlep raised an eyebrow as they watched, not entirely certain what tricks reality was trying to play with physics, but it didn’t seem to matter to the three. Wyll was holding Dammon’s head gently, soothing the blacksmith while he still did not empty his mouth of the warlock’s mighty staff. Karlach took a few minutes to recover, finally fishing the leather harness from her pack and fixing the huge unit to it with ease, though it seemed a little difficult even for the barbarian to move around with it swinging about in front of her drenched muff.

She made sure to spread more of her slick moistness over the ridged metal before taking hold of the blacksmith’s tail and lifting it up. She pulled out a plug that was about half the size of the massive wanger she was wearing and tossed it casually to one side. It didn’t take much longer for her to knock on his backdoor, taking his muffled approval as invitation to thrust all the way in with one strong motion that made him almost choke on Wyll’s skin flute.

The barbarian soon set a pace that could be described as barbaric, her breasts dancing to the rhythm with enthusiasm. Her tail curled around again, taking a grip on the blacksmith’s wing-wang and guiding his tail underneath herself to stuff it into her flesh pocket. Meanwhile, Wyll had his hands wrapped around Dammon’s horns, imitating a pole rub as he continued to have his soul sucked out of his ween.

Haarlep felt a little pang of jealousy, but the lust in the air tasted better even than the lingering hint of Tav’s body on their lips. The licked them, straying one hand over their harness as they watched the trio spill out across the floor - or in Wyll’s case down his lover’s throat as he held the man close in place, hips bucking into him as he spooged enthusiastically.

The incubus stood to leave while the trio were still regaining their breath. “Done so soon? I thought you devils had more stamina.” Karlach called out, still thrusting slowly as her overstimulated lover whimpered into Wyll’s groin, twitching and dripping onto the floor below. She slapped his toasted buns and drew a longer, muffled moan. “You could keep count if you like, see if we break our record with him.”

“A tempting proposition,” they replied already turning to head to the door, “however I have plenty of other guests to attend to. Ones who are not averse to my participation.”

“Suit yourself,” Karlach shrugged, looking back towards Wyll. “Ready, soldier?”

“Gods, Karlach, give me a minute…” He stroked the loose hair of the man betwixt his thighs. “Good boy, keep me warm a bit longer…mmmyes right there, your tongue-"

---

Chapter 4 - A Dictionary of Discomfort

Haarlep strolled down the halls, passing through a few rooms as they went. They spent some time with Shadowheart and Lae’zel, helping them to settle an argument about who was taking which role by taking their Archduchess form and allowing the two to compete. It was a spirited debate, and it was nice to finally have their own personal Cania flooding at last.

The gith and the half elf were not done when they left though, the ‘argument’ turning into a full battle of stamina. The incubus made sure to leave them with plenty of water in reach, neither seemed willing to back down until the other passed out from the exertion.

The next though… They paused in front of the next door, hearing the sounds of a far more intense session. They could almost taste the desire emanating from behind the solid wood, the door creaking open to reveal the sounds of the penitent and the priest beyond.

—

The scene was even more enticing than Haarlep imagined. He Who Was balanced on his toes, ankles chained to a sturdy pole with the hint of the toy at the top of it between his pale rear cleavage. At least a third of its length was filling his tight hole, a little oil trickling down his thighs. Abdirak was stalking around the nude Shadar-Kai, still fully clothed and wielding a thin crop that was leaving reddened welts across pale skin.

“You are here to witness his penance? Or to join it?” Abdirak turned towards Haarlep, a wicked light reflecting off the cold steel of his face orbs. He had a way of looking right through Haarlep that sometimes put even their iron nerves on edge. They closed the door behind them, the click of the latch adding to the metallic mood of the room.

“That depends~” The incubus stalked forwards, tail swishing behind them, wings rising and stretching in anticipation. “Do you wish to remain in this role? Or to endure your own pain for your Maiden’s blessings?”

“I will not object.” He Who Was gasped, still trying to stay upright on his toes as Abdirak walked around to his front, tilting his chin up with one finger to observe his reaction.

“You are certain, Dear One, that you can endure the agony delivered by another’s hand?” The priest checked, still watching closely even as Haarlep stalked around behind him to peer at the bound elf balancing on his toes. The incubus leaned over the spiked pauldrons of his shoulder, sliding their arms around his waist and savouring the jealousy in the green tinted eyes of He Who Was.

“You need not concern yourself with what I can endure.” The Shadar-Kai responded firmly, the inky void of their gaze meeting the fire in Haarlep’s own eyes with a dauntless intensity, despite his current predicament.

“Then so be it.” Abdirak leaned back towards the incubus. “I trust you will not disappoint. He has been… prepared , as have I.”

Haarlep caught the meaning of his words - there would be no need to butter up the back alley of either man, nor would they need to be concerned about an abundance of pain. That was what they both wanted most, after all.

It was the work of a few moments to pull the strands of the Weave in a spell that summoned a handful of red imps from another part of Avernus. The creatures sprang into the air with a brief and acrid scent of smoke and sulphur, and issuing orders in the infernal tongue was just as swift. Haarlep stepped back from Abdirak, though their hands drifted across his bare torso first, lingering and dragging a hint of claws as they moved away. Before parting completely, they slipped the crop from his hand, tapping it against his side to make a point.

“You won’t be needing any of this either~” They commanded the imps to remove the priest’s clothes, stacking though they saw no point in reminding the creatures to be careful with the sharp edges. Abdirak appeared pleased that the blades and points of his outfit tore at his flesh. Next, the imps wrapped their tails around his body. Some on the legs, some on the arms, a couple around his tender belly meat, fully supporting him as he was lifted into the air and suspended in a manner similar to the intricate rope patterns he often enjoyed. Haarlep stood facing the pair as they were held apart, eyes locked on one another. First they gave He Who Was a little whippy whip with their tail, striking his legs and watching with delight as the elf struggled on his toes, the end of the pole sinking deeper to probe his desperate prostate. Abdirak was granted a firmer slap to his nip nop with the whip crop, a deep grunt of appreciation reaching Haarlep’s approving ears. Both men were clearly craving the sweet agony of well applied domination, which the incubus was more than happy to provide. They continued a while in the same manner, alternating which got the crop and which took the hit from their tail instead. They were like a cat toying with its prey, adding their claws and teeth to the mix when the impact became dull.

They needed more though, more than just the panting and keening of two masochists who were about ready to nut if someone bit them in the gonads. Although…there was an idea. The imps followed instructions well, lifting Abdirak and turning him face down, bringing his face close to the elf’s twitching stiffy. Haarlep moved behind the priest, pressing his legs apart and digging their claws into the soft meat of his rump.

Their height worked to their advantage, finally dismissing their harness to let their gurt wanger flop out - although if there was one thing to be said about their sex right now it was certainly not floppy . They pushed into him, feeling how tight his ring felt despite the ample preparation, commanding him with a simple motion to begin to give He Who Was a little sucky-sucky.

The incubus stretched their wings behind them, pleased that the only sounds they could hear were the wet slaps of their bollocks smacking against Abdirak’s ass, and the keening wails of both men enjoying and enduring their session. They made sure to provide the priest with as much pain as Loviatar demanded, sinking claws and teeth into his back and arms, commanding the imps to tighten their grips and pull at his joints so he moaned with a mouth full of elf-boner. They wrapped their tail around his hot manhood and teased at his leaking hole with the tip, threatening to plug it before it could spill, yet not following through on that threat either.

He Who Was appeared to be struggling to control his voice, calling out long and loud, torn between succumbing to the pleasures of Abdirak’s skilled mouth and trying to prevent the pole he was balanced on from driving too deep and filling him completely. Eyes flashed from inky black to bright glowing green and back again, names Haarlep didn’t care for leaving with his composure presumably through an open window somewhere. Did the room have windows? Did it matter? Eventually Haarlep felt the building peaks of both men, licking the flavour from the air and savouring it before they blew their respective loads. Abdirak dutifully took every drop of his lover’s protein shake, swallowing with a satisfied moan as Haarlep filled him from the other end, the pulsing inside finally shattering him into squirting his jizz across the floor.

Once all three had regained their composure - hardly a tough task for the incubus, though they did enjoy teasing both past their limits before they were done - Haarlep commanded the imps to set Abdirak on the floor once more, even motioning for a couple to support He Who Was. The Shadar-Kai was drunk on pleasure, the shaped end at the tip of the pole now fully seated within him.

“You were both…delicious…” They mused, taking a moment to caress the cheeks of both men in an almost loving gesture. Almost. “I trust you can take care of yourselves from here?”

“Until next time.” Abdirak nodded, before releasing the ankle restraints and taking He Who Was into his arms, lifting him from the pleasurable prison he had been placed upon. “Ah, Dear One… Let me savour your pain like a fine wine. You still wish for more, do you not?” Haarlep left them to it, knowing the screams of pleasure and agony entwined would echo from the walls from both for hours to come.

---

Chapter 5 - Coming to an End

“There you are, my friend!” Volo beamed excitedly as Haarlep finally arrived at the last room. Their other guests had all been attended to and left more than satisfied, though the remnants of the wizard’s particular wine still left their head full of strange words and thoughts. “Come, come. We have been awaiting your report rather eagerly.” The incubus followed the excitable man inside, noting the mindflayer and its partner were sat, fully nude, discussing a notebook whilst filling its pages. “They’re here.” The hobgoblin spoke plainly, turning to face them.

“Take a seat, my good incubus, I have been so desperate to hear how inspirational the evening has been!” The wizard’s grin spread to every whisker of his beard, pulling a chair close to where the lovers sat together, Omeluum’s tentacles idly caressing Blurg’s body as it greeted them telepathically. “The wine has been of great interest to our studies. One has been taking note of everything within your mind, recording it, for posterity. Do all of your kind possess such an appetite?” It regarded them, with what they could only assume was a judgemental gaze, though something in its eyes also looked…impressed? Curious? Haarlep wasn’t entirely sure how to read the expression of a being with tentacles for a face and no genitals to speak of.

“You’ve been…writing what’s in my mind?” Suddenly things began to make more sense, and they turned to Volo who was still smiling like a fool. “Is this what you poisoned the drinks with?”

“Oh, no! No no no, picking up on thoughts is a particular skill of our tentacled friend here. I just added a little of my personal supply, a particular potion developed in the far lands of-” “The point, if you please.” Their tail batted at his shin like an irritated cat.

“No appreciation for a good story these day-” Another swipe, higher up his thigh and dangerously close to the end of his personal staff. “It’s one I drink when I wish to write the more…erotic literature, you see. I find it makes the words flow far more freely, dissolves away all those nasty little blocks where one can’t find the right word to describe the situation.” “So you end up with the wrong words…” Haarlep sighed, the plethora of wizard sleeves and tickle-sticks running through their mind finally adding up to the sum total of fuck this guy. Although, that might not be such a terrible idea… “Tell me, do you have any other uses for that mouth other than running it a mile a minute?”

“We do have room for another chapter.” Omeluum addressed the room through their collective minds. “One might wish to experiment with the effects of an incubus…”

“Agreeable. Fine data to add, while the opportunity presents itself.” Blurg agreed, dutifully presenting himself as another point of data.

“Hmmm I have yet to bed such a collection of creatures at one time, but I shall endeavour to please one and all, in the name of research!” Volo ejaculated, from his mouth this time but it was clear he was quite keen for other options with the speed in which his clothes hit the floor.

Haarlep contemplated their options. By now, Raphael would be passed out over his desk, drenched in sweat and his own emissions from the amount of stimulation through their deal’s connection. They had planned to go there soon, wake him and make him beg for a their full attention, to feel pleasure firsthand and not just ecstasy’s lingering echoes through Haarlep’s copy of his form. But…this was an intriguing proposition, and it would be a way to take a little revenge on Volo for tainting their night’s pleasure for his own gain. Not that they hadn’t enjoyed their time, of course, but…

“Agreed.” They nodded. “But the wizard will need a gag.”

—

By the time Haarlep was in the baths in the Boudoir, the light of whatever passed for dawn in Avernus tinting the room a brighter orange, they were entirely satisfied. Raphael’s stomping around and complaining washed over them like the scented soaps that smoothed their skin, as they completely ignored his rampage over how they had taken far too many lovers in one night and ruined his favourite underclothes. A copy of the manuscript, complete with the final chapter with the wizard and his cohorts, was already tucked safely away under the bed. Perhaps they could bind him to the bed and read it to the furious Master of the House later. He might quite enjoy hearing about how his Little Mouse had let her breasts bounce boobily as she squeaked with delight… They shook the thought from their head. Later. For now they continued to wash the kisses of a hundred lovers from their skin whilst trying to scrub the last of the terrible literature from their mind.

--- --- ENDING NOTES --- --- Thank you for joining me on this misadventure! Be sure to check out the other works in the collection or tagged on here with "BG3AprilFoolishness" This was...an experience? Let's call it that~ Really though it was fun to play with things being silly and using the worst terms I could drag from the depths. If you found this erotic, I'm not sure if I should thank you or apologise, either way NO REFUNDS! Until next time, loves, I promise I will never write anything this intentionally awful again. Probably. Until next year.

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mobbu-min · 2 years ago

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☆ rawr XD ☆

(ft. vil, rook, azul, riddle)

requested by @trixiegalaxy

Can I request TWST headcanons with a female S/O doing this bear prank (from the anime, Acchi Kocchi) to Azul, Rook, Vil, and Riddle.

It's April Fools Day at NRC, and S/O gets Crowley's permission to dress up as a bear, go around the different dorms, and try to scare everyone. What would be Azul, Rook, Vil, and Riddle's reaction to this? Would they get scared or not, and would any of them join in the fun?

a/n at first I thought you meant like an actual realistic custome, but after watching that video it all clicked lol

tw: cursing, vomit, some suggestive stuff in rook's part

“It’s more cute than anything,” Ace muttered, staring at your furry bear costume in confusion. There were plenty of things he witnessed in his short time at NRC and even more with you beside him and this wasn’t something he’d ever thought he’d see. Standing up, he flicked at the puffy tail, “How are you supposed to scare anyone with this?”

Pouting, you placed your pawed hands on your hips, “I have my ways!”

“Your face is on display, dummy. You’re not those damn twins,” Grim deadpanned. Flopping down on his side.

To this, Ortho perked up from his spot at your side, “Don’t worry, Ace Trappola and Grim! I made sure to cover that feature when I was making this!”

“Yeah! Ortho pulled out all the stops!” You grinned mischievously.

Ace and Grim watched you click a button at your paw and the opening for your face was instantly covered with metal coverings with brown fur and a muzzle. Two glowing orbs replacing your bright eyes. The strange resemblance to your temporary dad is outstanding.

“RAWR!” You screeched, jumping up to try to intimidate them.

Tilting his head, Ace mumbled, “Yeah, it's way more cute than scary.”

“You’d have to be blind to get scared.”

Stomping your foot, you pointed at them and declared, “Just you watch! I’m going to be so scary, I’m going to get Animal Control called on me!”

Running out the door, Ace winced as you collided with the door. Standing back up, you did what he could only decipher to be you flipping him off and marched out the front door. Muttering something about ‘being surrounded by fake love’ and ‘the world being your hater’.

Shaking his head, he mumbled, “We should go after them, huh?”

“Yup! From my calculations the percentage of Animal Control being called on them is quite low, but facing death isn’t!” Ortho chirped.

“Just great.”

☆☆☆

Vil Scheonheit <3

⋆ You really expect the Vil Schoenheit to scream?

⋆ Then you must not know him at all. Jeez, he has more class than that.

⋆ Literally gives you the blandest reactions. He just raises his slim brow and gives you a look that radiates ‘Really?’

“Who made this?” Vil scrutinized, picking up your arm to touch the soft fur.

⋆ Though, he will applaud you for trying. It takes a ton of guts to walk around in that.

“Ortho!” You chirped, your voice muffled from the bear mask. Spinning around, you posed cutely, stars and hearts practically coming off of your pose, “Cute, right?”

“Hardly,” Vil tsked under his breath. Though anyone with a brain could see the way his pale cheeks lit up. Of course, you just had to be so cute and that damn bear costume didn’t help at all.

“I’m I scary at least?”

Taking your paw, he moved you to sit down at his vanity, “If I were anyone else, and a child under the age of one, then perhaps. Remove your mask please.”

“Aw man,” you sniffed sadly while doing as he said. “I thought I was totally going to scare some pants off!”

“Well, with the way the suit is making your skin break out, you could certainly scare someone’s pants off,” He teased, gently scrubbing about the dirt and sweat that was accumulating on your skin from the mask. The softness of the rag combined with the calming scent of the cleanser made you sleepy.

Yawning, you leaned back into Vil’s plush chair, “Y’know I think I’m done scaring today…that was too much fun…-snoooorrreee-”

Vil huffed in amusement at how fast you fell asleep. Applying a thin layer of moisturizer, he gently moved you to his bed and patted your head, “Perhaps, I’ll buy you a pair of bear pajamas? It certainly suits you. Don’t you four think so?”

On cue, three figures fell out of Vil’s closet. Turning around, Vil watched the three of the four complain and curse at each other. While the young robot laughed at his friend's misery. Floating up to Vil, Ortho exclaimed, “Wow, Vil Schoenhiet! You added another possibility to the Prefect’s possible endings!”

“And that would be?”

“Animal Control or death!”

“Oh…” Glancing at Ace and Grim, he asked, “I assume that’s why you both came? To watch over them?”

“Yeah…” Ace mumbled, rubbing the growing bump on his head. Already at your side, Grim curled up into your arm and yawned, “My henchman has no survival instincts, that why Grim the Great is here to…take..care of them…-snooooorrre-”

Pursing his lips, he turned to Epel, “But that doesn’t explain why you were hiding in my closet, little apple. And with one of Rook’s arrows, no less.”

Placing the arrow behind him, Epel stuck his head up and mumbled awkwardly, “I saw a bear running around and my meemaw always said bear meat tasted amazing, sooo….”

“You were going to stab ‘em!?” Ace screeched, taking big steps back from Epel.

“No!....well, yeah…” Epel trailed off, kicking at the carpet and pouting.

“Wow! Epel Felmier, you could have been one of the leading causes of death for the Prefect!” Despite the grim meaning behind it, Ortho said it like he was announcing the next Emmy.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Vil sighed, “I can’t believe this…”

Rook Hunt <3

⋆ Oh, you think you’re doing the hunting? How funny! How cute! Babe, you’re gonna die.

⋆ Rook knows it’s you in the bear costume. His sweet trickster doing their trickster things. How beautiful! But damn, does that want to make Rook go hunting.

⋆ Of course he’s doing it lovingly, with no intentions to actually harm you, but he wouldn’t mind hearing your fearful screams as you run away from him.

⋆ Won’t you be a dear and play a little game with him?

“Omg, Leona! I’m so happy to see you!” you wailed, jumping onto the, surprisingly awake, lion. Clinging onto him, you let your snot get all over his chest. “Protect me!”

(me personally would shit myself and die if I saw Rook giving me the look he gives in his groovified bean day card, or alternatively, get on my knees for him)

Staring at you in disgust, Leona pushed you away, “Get off of me, Herbivore.”

But you persisted and jumped back on him. Shoving your face into his welcoming chest, well as welcoming as it can get with Leona glaring daggers into your bear suit self. “Please, please, please! Leona! Help me! I’m getting hunted for sport!”

“Aren't you supposed to be doing the hunting, ya big ass bear?” Leona asked, moving around so he could get a better hold of you.

“Apparently not! I thought you had to have a permit to be able to hunt endangered animals!” You exclaimed.

“Endangered?”

“Yeah, me soon!”

Rolling his eyes, Leona asked, “Who’s even hunting you?”

Before you could respond a flamboyant laugh cut through the air. Ominous and oh so frightening. Even Leona tensed up. His tail stopping mid sway and ears picking up.

Ridgedly, you and leona turned to meet the oddly jovial eyes of your hunter, Rook Hunt. His bow tight in his grasp. Lips split into an unfairly pretty, yet scary, smile.

“It seems like Roi du Leon has found my sweet Ourse~ Now would you be so kind as to hand them over?” He asked, the edge in his tone betraying any form of pleasantry.

Turning down to look at you, all you could do is wordless shaking your head and cling tighter onto you one and only hope. Green eyes twitching, Leona sighed. But before you could get your hopes up, you were suddenly hoisted into the air and flung with full force at your hunter.

“LEEONNAA! YOU AAAASSS!”

Scratching his head, Leona turned around and saunted off, “yeah, not my problem. Have fun, I guess.”

Fully expecting to hit the ground, you were surprised to feel a strong pair of arms capture you and hold your bridal style. Staring up at Rook with wide eyes, you smiled nervously, “Rawr?”

“Shall we head to my room, my little Ourse? There’s plenty I must teach in the name of the hunt!” He joyfully hummed, tightening his hold the moment you began to squirm. Gleefully skipping all the way to your demise.

Oh lord, have mercy on me!

Azul Ashengrotto <3

⋆ This guy has never seen a bear before. So the moment he sees you barreling towards him with the speed of Floyd, man's about to shit himself out of fear.

⋆ It doesn’t matter who’s next to him or if he’s with a potential client, he’s bolting the other way. He swears he can hear the gate of the afterlife opening up for him. He’s never been this scared, no amount of the leech twins could get him to want to cry to mom this badly. And omg, his lungs are literally about to burst because of all this running. He just wants his octopot so badly! Tears are streaming down his face!

⋆ After you come clean to him, he’s shaking you by your shoulders practically screaming at you about ‘how could you do this to me!’.

⋆ He rethinks everything he knows about you. Consider you to be as bad as the Leech twins. Maybe even worse.

“Azul! I’m sooo sorry!” You wailed. Tears streamed down your face and into the pool that contained your doom.

⋆ He’s never living this down, so why not make a deal with him? It’s the least you can do, right?

“Hm? What was that, dear Prefect?” Azul said, pulling the lever that lowered you down. Watching the way you squirmed in your tight binding. “I’m sure they’re dying to play with their new playmate.”

“Azul! This is practically murder! I’m too cute for this!” You sobbed. You gasped when you saw Ace with Grim and Ortho, “Ace! My Savior! Help me!”

“I suggest you don’t, Trappola. Lest we forget the incident you, oh so desperately, want to keep away from your housewarden.” Azul threatened. Glaring daggers at the boy.

Paling, Ace stared apologetically at you, “Sorry, but Imma have to sit this one out.”

“ACCCCEEEE!” You wailed louder. The rope holding you swaying faster with your frantic squirming. Green quickly becoming a permanent color to your skin.

“Have fun, my dear Prefect~”

“Azul, I swear to—blegh!”

In an instant, two long beings jumped out of the pool and landed with a ‘thrawk!’ on the tile floors. Grim and Ace lost their shit on the side and Azul broke his cane in the process. Ortho, sweet angel, was the only one to get your passed out ass out of that tight binding.

“I think they’re dead…” Ortho murmured, running a full body scan on our limp figure.

“They better be! Shrimpy, that was so not cool!” Floyd pouted, staring at your puke floating down to the bottom of the water with a grimace, “Nasty shrimpy.”

“Yes, how gross,” Jade muttered.

“Blegh!”

“Get them out of here, so help me, before I throw them and their bear costumes into the sea!”

Riddle Rosehearts <3

⋆ He doesn’t scream as much as he jumps. Jumps so high, you swear he could have touched the moon. Who knew such a small body could launch themself that high.

⋆ Riddle is not having it. First you burst into an Unbirthday Party, but you made him break a Queen of Heart’s rule? Nu-uh, he’s having your head for that.

⋆ Honestly, you should count yourself lucky because you're not a part of his dorm. If you were, you’d have hell to face.

⋆ Though once everything is said and done, Riddle might find himself having a little chuckle at your shenanigans and how adorably funny you looked.

“Riddle, I said I’m sorry! Now can you please take this collar off me! It’s itchy and heavy!” You complained. Pulling at the thick collar in hopes that it would snap in half. Unfortunately you weren’t Leona or Malleus, so your attempts were utterly futile.

“Until, you can memorize all 100 of the Queen of Heart’s rules, then I’ll uncollar you,” Riddle hummed, sipping from his tea.

“Dude, I’m not even from your dorm! Why does it matter?”

Staring at you like you were a misbehaving child, Riddle tsked, “You’re always here, Prefect. Might as well make you an official member, no? Afterall, this is much easier than what the others have to memorize.”

Flopping on your back, you wailed childishly, “Nooo! I don’t wanna! The collar is uncomfy and I have a wedgie from this dang suit!”

“Wow, they’re really not having it huh?” Cater mused, taking a photo of you in your lowest moment. The sight of a bear rolling around on their rose detailed carpet complaining about their wedgie certainly wasn’t something he'd think he’d ever see.

Humming, Riddle smiled at you, “They’ll get over it.”

⋆⋆⋆

Outside, hidden into the heart shaped rose bushes, laid our super spies, Ace, Grim and Ortho. A thick pair of Hatsume Miku themed binoculars in Ace’s grasp. Shaking his head, he sighed on your behalf, “I don’t know why out of everyone, they chose to go for Riddle. Bad planning on their part.”

“So much for them having the braincell,” Grim huffed while fixing his sunglasses. It’s such a nice day, so why wouldn’t he sunbathe?

Clad in spy merch, Ortho beamed, “The chances of death and Animal Control just went into the negatives thanks to Riddle Roseheart’s intervention!”

Rolling his eyes, Ace placed the binocular at his eyes again, “That’s just perfect…”

#vil x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #rook hunt x reader #rook x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader

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thereaderinsertlady · 8 months ago

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I gotta write for my little guy today. Here's the link on ao3 if you prefer reading it there, and I hope you enjoy!

‎

The April Fool

You were so fucking scared.

It was April first. April Fools day. The day of reckoning and hellfire and war.

Nothing good ever came out of April Fools day. Last year, you were submerged– after being pushed– in a vat of (THANKFULLY) cold oil, and spent the rest of the day trying to wash the gross, icky feeling off. Even to this day, you can sometimes feel the remnants of the slick oil on your skin…

Armed with nothing but a small water gun that you gripped with shaky hands, you walked down the black halls of Count Bleck. Was Bleck alive? Who knew, but his crib made for a great place of residence for you and Dimentio after the events that followed the Chaos Heart.

…Though, if Mr. Bleck and his wifey saw you right now, they’d be disappointed that you’ve stooped to carrying protection around with you on April Fools– but you’d be damned if you were gonna get pranked this year!

“Please give me protection, oh Stars,” you prayed under your breath. “I just want my bag of chips. That’s all I want.”

Carefully, you peered down a long hallway.

You gulped.

Nothing seemed awry… but Dimentio was good at tricking people. Way too good. Far too good. Master of trickery and whore-ery. You couldn’t let your guard down.

The kitchen felt like it was miles away as you skittered down the hall like a little roach, looking for any booby traps or massive vats of oil. You wouldn’t let your guard down. You were not going to be fooled this year!

You kept walking and walking and walking–

You snapped your head around, thinking that you heard footsteps behind you.

…

You grunted.

There was nothing.

“Sheesh… this is really hard,” you mumbled under your breath, slowly walking forwards again. The only reason why you didn’t abort mission is because Dimentio could hardly walk around, seeming like a newborn lamb that was missing all but one leg. There’s no way he would’ve been behind you. You were just paranoid and hallucinating.

After walking for what felt like forever, you reached the kitchen, peering inside…

…

Whipped cream. Every-fucking-where.

Whipped cream on the walls, the appliances, the floor, the ceiling– it was everywhere, painting the kitchen white. It was horrifying.

“Oh my…” You frowned, glancing around. “Oh, no… how did he…?”

You stood there, scratching your head and wondering how you were going to get in there without ruining your shoes. So much cream, everywhere…

There’s a storage closet nearby right? You’ll just go and grab a mop, and brush your way clean. Sounds easy enough! It shouldn’t take too terribly long, meaning that you probably wouldn’t get caught out in the open and that you can get your chips in peace without any issue–

“My, it seems you’ve discovered my masterpiec–”

You screamed, whipping around and squirting the water gun at Dimentio. Though, it seemed he had anticipated that, teleporting and letting the water hit the wall instead.

“Abort, abort!” You yelled, narrowly dodging a blueberry pie by tactical-rolling– not doing a weird interpretive dance on the floor– out of the way. You got back up on your feet, sprinting down the hall. It was a trap all along! He knew you’d get hungry, and that’s when he’d strike! Damn, you should’ve gotten your chips before it was April Fools day! You were such a fool!

Barely turning the corner in time and dodging another probably store-bought pie, you dashed in the direction of your safe haven; your room was the safest place you knew of.

Just as you were about to make it, Dimentio appeared in front of you, hovering high above the ground.

And behind him?

A wall of pies.

You skidded to a stop, staring with large eyes as your weapon fell from your limp grasp, clattering uselessly against the floor. “Please.” You immediately went begging. “Please.”

“Ah ha ha, like a scared bunny, you’re so easy to trap,” Dimentio cooed darkly. “That’s what makes you cute!”

“Please!” You got down on your knees, clasping your hands together.

He laughed some more. “Please what? Just what do you have to offer in exchange for my absolute joy?”

“Please… I’ll…” Searching through your brain waves, you decided that you’ll… “I’ll do anything you want!”

“Hmmm, anything?~”

“Yes!”

“Absolutely anything?”

“Literally anything you want! Uh… Anything other than getting creamed or pie-d!”

Dimentio floated down to you smugly. “And what if I want to cream you?”

You gave him a desperate look. “Please don’t.”

“What if I want to pie you?”

“No!”

“What if I want to CREAM PIE you?!”

You opened your mouth to give a response…

…

…Before giving him a squint.

“Huh?”

“I said,” he said with a smirk, grasping your chin firmly in his gloved hands, “What if, I want to cream pie you? Have you gone deaf, dear? Or, are you just that scared?”

“I don’t think you should say that out loud.”

“Why, I’ll say it all I want! Matter of fact, I’ll give you the biggest cream pie right now!”

You just stared, slowly frowning... “What kind of cream pie?”

“The best kind there is!”

You kept staring, wondering if he knew what he was saying or if he was purposely doing it. He… he knew of the different… meanings of the word cream pie… right? Was this part of the joke?

“Please, tell me more,” you told him.

“Oho, are you interested in the art of cream pieing?” A wide grin spread across his face. “I can show you if you really want, curious bee.”

“Umm.” You felt your face warming up. Was there sexual tension in the air, or was that just you being dirty-minded? “I don’t know if you should.”

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun! You said I could do anything…”

“Umm!” After a moment, you made a T shape with your hands, “Okay, time out!”

Dimentio slowly pouted. “No? Not interested in cream pieing?”

“St-Stop!”

“Not even a liiittle bit?”

You gripped his hand, moving it away from your chin before blurting out– “Are you alluding to having sex with me, or do you really just mean an actual cream pie?”

…

A blank stare, is what he gave you. “Sex?”

Now embarrassed, you had to explain. “A u-uh, a ‘cream pie’ can mean two different things,” you began, ignoring how the wall of pies vanished from behind him. “One, it can be the actual thing– a pie made of cream. Two, it um… it’s when two people love each other very much, and the man…” You sighed, standing up before leaning in close and whispering the rest to him.

“Oh.” Even with his mask, he seemed embarrassed.

“Yeah.”

“...I apologize, I did not mean it in a sexual way…”

Sighing, you waved it off. Though, you couldn’t help but feel just a little disappointed. “It’s fine,” you said, walking over to your room, opening the door. “I figured it would be too soon for anything like that–”

Whipped cream. Every-fucking-where.

Your room was covered in whipped cream, just like the kitchen.

“DIMENTIO!”

He giggled like a little goblin, hovering away and letting you deal with the mess.

#reader insert #dimentio #dimentio x reader #super paper mario #spm #april fools #april first

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